Born to Billionaire, Lieutenant Richard Fitzwell and his wife Dorothy (nee Hawkes), Richard Jr. (or little Dick as he was affectionately named) was destined to greatness and a life on easy street, as he would grow up to be the sole heir to the Fitzwell Condom empire…

Unfortunately for him however, little Dick got tangled-up with a bad crowd during his days at Wimbledon College Prep. Rumors of the time suggested the bad crowd was led by some “Kilmister” kid, who eventually went on to become a bass player…

As little Dick grew bigger he found his hands wrapped around a busted-up 1962 Gretch, a bottle of Dewar’s White Label, and with an endless supply of Daddy’s money young Fitzwell acquired stacks upon stacks of Marshall heads and cabinets whereby building his own empire.

At one point Fitzwell actually held a record for highest stacks piled and most bottles consumed. Little Dick soon realized that the burning inside him did not resemble that of an industrialist’s son, but was more-so comparable to those of the dirty hoodlums on London’s lower east side…

As the Lieutenant came to learn of little Dick’s misbehavior and drunken ways, he gave his son an ultimatum: “Put down those girls and that dirty guitar (or was it that guitar and those dirty girls???), cut that filthy hair, get your skinny ass back in school and for the love of god get rid of that eye-liner – or you’re out of the family will…FOREVER”.

Little Dick replied with a stiff one finger salute, accompanied simply by the phrase: “Fit this, I’m a big Dick now”.

That would be the last time he would see his father…

Richard and Dorothy Fitzwell’s lives were taken in March of 1984 in a tragic accident at the family’s latex plant. And even more tragic; the entire family’s fortune was to be left to a charity of little Dick’s choice…but not a farthing, shilling nor a haypenny would go to his pocket.

Broke and homeless, shriveled and cold, little Dick (now big Dick) eventually sold all of his Marshalls for food, shelter, the odd bottle of dirty gin, and eventually a one way ticket to the mean streets of LA.

It was in LA that Dick met Kraven Mohrhead at a seedy pawn shop on Sunset Blvd where Kraven was trying to hawk his Morley Wah for bus fare to get to a rehearsal on the other side of the city.

Instead of heading directly to the rehearsal however, both Kraven and Dick got totally wasted with the pawn money and then later that night had the piss pounded out of them by none other than Tommy Lee, Nikki Sixx and Robin Crosby apparently following an altercation with respect to who was wearing the kewlest blouse.

They did eventually show up for another rehearsal, meeting up with Sy Kotik and Rod Gozinya. The Twin Axe Attack was born. And the rest, became Hair Nation history…